Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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