I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
