I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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