Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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