Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
