my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
