The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
