just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
