If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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