I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize