And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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