I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
