do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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