so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
