just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
