Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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