I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I supernannyed him into submission
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
