hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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