We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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