Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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