worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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