I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
