He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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