We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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