It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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