My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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