im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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