why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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