He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
