I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
