i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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