i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
