Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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