Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize