he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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