Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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