literally had 100 drinks last night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
