I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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