Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize