The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
