I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
