Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
