Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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