is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
