i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
a search helicopter?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
