How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
