watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
where are you?
Hypothermia
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
