i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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