mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
