someone threw a dead crab at me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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