You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
