Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
