need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
