Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she smelled like a LAN party
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
