shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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