Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
