I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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