i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
