I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
