boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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