Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
