I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
God, I missed his penis.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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