I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
