I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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