he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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